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private blog. where I rant like there's no tomorrow. thanks to Createblog.com archives
January 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 July 2006 |
Friday, July 07, 2006
well, i sorta quarrelled with jeanne just now.alright. maybe not quarrelling, but i'm sorta raising my voice at her. (even though its on MSN, but i'm sure she knows that i was getting pretty serious) i know sometimes things dont look as easy as they seem to be. and i understand that she's feeling really down at that moment of time. but talking about leaving home.. or even suicide at that point of time is really..... i don't know. i'm not a psychiatrist, nor am i a counsellor. i wish i can say something to comfort her, but the reality just hits me and i just NEED to tell her that reality. i want to help her, but it's somehow beyond my limits and i don't know what to say anymore except "just make sure you don't regret it". maybe i'm not good enough to be a friend that really understands someone. the bamboozle [
11:28 PM ]
Friday, May 26, 2006
what's happening to me.i don't know how to smile and laugh anymore. even if i did, everything was just a pretent. what am I going to do. i just lost the ability to smile. it's as if .. those things are overshadowing me. these days have been one of my worst period of time ever. everyday i live in anxiety, not knowing what to do, not even knowing what am I doing. i'm always lost in thoughts, and i keep everything to myself. not that i don't want to tell anyone, but... who should I confide in? everyone seems to be preoccupied by their own matters. i doubt they even want to know my problems. i have no one to go to. the best i can do is just to overcome it myself. the bamboozle [
12:43 PM ]
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
zomg. i'm trying to transfer as many anime as possible from gloria's hard drive into mine. and i think now the comp is overloaded because it's running so slowly now. T_Tand ouran is taking so freaking long to download from bittorrent! i thought it would take a couple of hours, just like bleach. but it's taking more than 10hours to download! maybe i should let it on for the night.. meh. i don't think my sister will let me. but i wanna bring ouran back to indo! so i can watch them when i'm bored. :( shaman king takes up 13GB of space f-it. i'm gonna watch it and delete it right after i finish everything. hm. i'll watch pretear and see whether it's worth the space or not. so far i'm only planning to keep ouran and Bleach. whootness, Bleach rules. :) darn. i think the whole CPU is going bonkers. cos i'm like putting in 13GB at a time. xD sorrey CPU, but you have to do so to satisfy my boredom. meh. my legs are breaking. i mean, it's so sore! i've been standing for more than 3 hours in the band room earlier. who wouldn't die of that? mrs chua was really training us. and when we had breaks, i had to practice my new parts. (especially the xylo, because i'm so bad at mallets :/) right now, i can do drums, timpanis, okay with auxilaries. now that's left is mallets. bleh. I shall learn it slowly.. ^_^ i need to defragment my files. or else my CPU will hate me. the bamboozle [
7:55 PM ]
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Wow. Blogger's posting area has a whole new outlook.Sucks man. Moved house yesterday. Got a new modem. ^_^ I hate moving actually, it's like going away from your own comfort zone. Everything looks so new now, how ludicrous. My mid-years sucked. Doh, considering that I was feeling bloody tired during the exams. And what annoys me most is, why the hell do people cry when getting bad results? I know it's sad, I know it's depressing. But I see no reason to cry over such things. Is there a point crying? Will the marks change miraculously after you cry? Pfft. Just a bunch of crybabies. Some people even cried just because they scored a little lower. HELLO, they didn't even fail!? Just a couple of setbacks, and they shed their tears so easily. This shows that they're nothing but a bunch of brats who bawl over the simplest things. Can't they just take things in their stride? Some people may say, crying is a way to release your feelings. It's total bullshit. There are so many ways to release your depression out there and you chose just to CRY, which is the most horrible way. When you cry, people don't know what to do with you, and they'll eventually leave you alone. Crying sucks. I hate it when people break down just over a trivial matter. Then what about people who lost their jobs or even someone dear to them? Commit suicide ah? the bamboozle [
2:04 PM ]
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
it dawned on me that, it seems like i'm growing distant from everyone.or rather, everyone is keeping their distance from me. maybe it's just me. and you all better fucking stop talking to me in that tone. dont sneer at me as if i cheated in the test. I WORKED HARD FOR IT, so don't go bitching around saying: "aiyah, she will surely get high marks one lah." look here, i don't mind you telling me and everyone that "a person like me" will score for my test, but please don't talk to me as if i shouldn't get those grades. you're jealous of my grades and you're making it so obvious till it makes me sick. i hate to be in the limelight. because once i do, my insides will swell to madness, and i hate that feeling. :( the bamboozle [
4:53 PM ]
Saturday, May 13, 2006
i'm fuckin bored right now.everyone knows how much i wanted to watch the new movies after the exams. yet no one's coming with me. :( jaslin's out with her friends. i bet that's a lie, she just doesn't want to go out with me. sigh. we've become so distant. and to think that we used to be the closest friends ever. when i messaged her, her first reply was to ask me who i am. god. she deleted my number already? jeanne keeps saying her mom's not letting her go out. i bet that's another fake shet again. she just told me yesterday she might meet up with her primary sch friends to get some stuff. bah. i know she treasures her primary sch friends, but that doesn't give her a reason to keep blabbering about them every single minute in front of me, who don't even know them. what's the use of telling me how good they are, how close they are to you when i don't even give a single damn on how they look like and how they behave. gel didnt pick up my call. i think she's out with her family. :( bah. i hope she'll have a handphone soon. my sister is going to a chalet with her friends. i can't ask anymore people because they aren't even close to me. i'll never ask people who arent chummy with me to go out. it's sort of hypocritical isn't it? asking someone that you barely know to go out with you. i'm not a contradicting person, unlike someone. so here i am. browsing the net every now and then, looking at people's blogs. posting at fluffy. visiting random websites and even to the extent of going to blogs that i'll never go to. look. how. pathetic. i've. become. you'll see me all decomposed and rotten in school. the bamboozle [
3:20 PM ]
Thursday, April 27, 2006
today will be my last day blogging here. (IN THE MONTH)since my sis has decided to lock my comp during the exams. sigh. :( i'll still be able to blog. budden school wireless cannot access to blogger mah. :( oh well. the bamboozle [
9:02 PM ] |